Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
