Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
