Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
