I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
why do cheetos always look like penises
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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