I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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