theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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