Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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