No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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