Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
