Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
