I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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