I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
