Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
