Christians are straight up FREAKS
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
