This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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