i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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