Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I understand Curling. That high.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
