im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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