if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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