Tell her she can't have a vagina
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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