I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
