your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
