he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm having to shit out rocks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
