i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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