I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sex in a hospital.. check
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I believe in your delicious
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
