The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
