So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
