so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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