I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
