mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
