Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
