U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
