Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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