Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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