she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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