im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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