last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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