You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
