i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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