Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
