hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
