I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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