elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
