shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
