: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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