i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
