U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
