Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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