i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
