the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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